Monday, March 9, 2009
Some mean Singapore jokes
As inspired by You Jie today, I went online and found some very funny but mean jokes about Singapore ^^. Taken from talkingcock.com and http://www.asianjoke.com/singapore.htm
In Singapore, the majority of us live in Highly Dangerous Buildings (HDB),
And most people have already got used to Paying and Paying (PAP).
Not only do you have to pay, you Pay Until Bankrupt (PUB).
If that's not enough, somebody still Purposely Wants to Dig (PWD) and get more from you.
So what more can you do when you are in the Money Only Environment (MOE)?
With the current Mad Accounting System (MAS),
you are forced to Pay the Sum Ahead (PSA),W
hich will leave some people Permanently Owing Some Banks (POSB).
And forced to live on the Loan Techniques Always (LTA) system.
When you fall sick and happen to be admitted to a Money Operating Hospital(MOH),You might be able to use your Cash Prior to Funeral (CPF) fund.
If you are out of luck, you may meet doctors who Never Use Heart (NUH) to treat you,
And you will be Sure to Give up Hope (SGH).
To help ease the traffic, motorists have to pay Cash On Expressway (COE).
If that doesn't help, they can always Eternally Raise Prices (ERP) on the roads.
If you don't own a car, you can always make a Mad Rush to the Train (MRT),
OR get squashed in a bus Side By Side (SBS).
Lastly, under all these pressures, there are not many places we can relax,
Not even the good old place we used to go because it has become
So Expensive and Nothing To See Actually (SENTOSA)!!!
One day, 4 babies were born at K.K. Hospital: a German, a Jewish, a Filipino and a Singaporean. However, someone mixed up the babies by mistake, and the nurses couldn't differentiate between them.
However, the head sister had a bright idea.
She lined the babies up in front of her and exclaimed, "Heil Hitler!"At hearing this, the German baby raised his arm in a salute, while the Jewish baby soiled his diapers. In the meantime, the Singaporean baby turned to the Filipino baby and said, "Clean that up!"
A To Z Of Kiasu Philosophy
Always must win
Borrow but never return
Cheap is good
Don't trust anyone
Everything also must grab!
Free! Free! Free!
Grab first talk later
Help yourself to everything
I first, I want, I everything
Jump queue
Keep coming back for more
Look for discount
Must not lose face
Never mind what they think
Outdo everyone you know
Pay only when necessary
Quit while you are ahead
Rushing and pushing wins the race
Sample are always welcome
Take but don't give
Unless it's free forget it
Vow to be number one
Winner takes it ALL! ALL! ALL!
Yell if necessary to get what you want
Zebras are kiasu because they want to be both black and white at the same time
If Singaporeans eat maggi mee and Indonesians eat indomee, then what do Malaysians eat?Sodomee
[minie]
In Singapore, the majority of us live in Highly Dangerous Buildings (HDB),
And most people have already got used to Paying and Paying (PAP).
Not only do you have to pay, you Pay Until Bankrupt (PUB).
If that's not enough, somebody still Purposely Wants to Dig (PWD) and get more from you.
So what more can you do when you are in the Money Only Environment (MOE)?
With the current Mad Accounting System (MAS),
you are forced to Pay the Sum Ahead (PSA),W
hich will leave some people Permanently Owing Some Banks (POSB).
And forced to live on the Loan Techniques Always (LTA) system.
When you fall sick and happen to be admitted to a Money Operating Hospital(MOH),You might be able to use your Cash Prior to Funeral (CPF) fund.
If you are out of luck, you may meet doctors who Never Use Heart (NUH) to treat you,
And you will be Sure to Give up Hope (SGH).
To help ease the traffic, motorists have to pay Cash On Expressway (COE).
If that doesn't help, they can always Eternally Raise Prices (ERP) on the roads.
If you don't own a car, you can always make a Mad Rush to the Train (MRT),
OR get squashed in a bus Side By Side (SBS).
Lastly, under all these pressures, there are not many places we can relax,
Not even the good old place we used to go because it has become
So Expensive and Nothing To See Actually (SENTOSA)!!!
One day, 4 babies were born at K.K. Hospital: a German, a Jewish, a Filipino and a Singaporean. However, someone mixed up the babies by mistake, and the nurses couldn't differentiate between them.
However, the head sister had a bright idea.
She lined the babies up in front of her and exclaimed, "Heil Hitler!"At hearing this, the German baby raised his arm in a salute, while the Jewish baby soiled his diapers. In the meantime, the Singaporean baby turned to the Filipino baby and said, "Clean that up!"
A To Z Of Kiasu Philosophy
Always must win
Borrow but never return
Cheap is good
Don't trust anyone
Everything also must grab!
Free! Free! Free!
Grab first talk later
Help yourself to everything
I first, I want, I everything
Jump queue
Keep coming back for more
Look for discount
Must not lose face
Never mind what they think
Outdo everyone you know
Pay only when necessary
Quit while you are ahead
Rushing and pushing wins the race
Sample are always welcome
Take but don't give
Unless it's free forget it
Vow to be number one
Winner takes it ALL! ALL! ALL!
Yell if necessary to get what you want
Zebras are kiasu because they want to be both black and white at the same time
If Singaporeans eat maggi mee and Indonesians eat indomee, then what do Malaysians eat?Sodomee
[minie]
Lok Bin Hao 08.01
